VILAY - विलय

VILAY - विलय 🪢

A really tough hindi word, which you might not have used in daily conversation or  may never use even if you're a "Hindi bhashi" Indian. Trust me I'm not a pro either, just read it somewhere and It kind of resonated with what was going on in my mind that time.
Vilay, my friend means amalgamation or dissolution depending on its usage. Former, when referring to two entities coming together and latter, when referring to something dissolving, disappearing, or merging into something else.
One fine day, when I went to grab something to eat, I came across a half used pack of millet pancake premix in my punjabi kitchen. I squinted a bit and instantly went back in my mind, a few weeks back when one of my cousins, the brother I grew up with visited us. I remembered The guy who was the laziest growing up woke up super early and was asking for directions to the local shop to buy double toned milk for his 2 year old. He finally found it, came home and made millet pancakes before his little angel woke up. I was beautifully surprised and so touched to see how we transform into an altogether different human being as soon as we make one.
As a 30 year old, some of us have already experienced parenthood and some of us want to, as a part of our settling in the society plan. With all due respect to all the internet debates going on parenthood, economics of raising a child and the infamous DINK culture (Double Income-No kids), when I look around at friends, family and in general people around me, I wonder what makes people completely devote themselves to another person and what keeps on driving them to do that so consistently everyday?
I'm not the part of the club, I'm aware, but I've definitely been and still am on the other side of the bridge and trust me it's the most beautiful side in the world as of now. I've been brought up by a beautiful and generous woman who if I don't mention in my writing about parenthood would be so unfair to my 30revolution gig. My mother, Ladies and gentlemen is the most soft spoken and kind hearted person in whole dang world.(unlike me at times). Although that is my favourite thing to do, I'm not gonna rant here about how she is the best mother (which I think everybody in the world thinks about theirs). I just wanna share that whenever I think someone cannot be more selfless than this, how she proves me wrong every other day.
Be it giving me a li'l piece of her favourite chocolate or making sure the toothpaste I use is squeezed to the perfect position so that I don't get late to my office figuring it out. 
Be it rolling my travel roti rolls in such a way that i don't have trouble tearing the wrap or decorating my room all alone for my birthday.
The list is long. Whenever she does something like this to astonish me even more, I often go into thinking more and more....
What makes them do all this, so selflessly ?
The other day one of my friend told me how he looked upon the journey of his father so proudly and he would  feel super accomplished in life if he could even be 1% of what his father has been to all the people around him!
Another 30 year old, super independent friend tells me that she wonders if she would ever be able to give her children the level of freedom and independence she was provided by her parents.
I have a cousin who is still not able to contemplate if there ever would be a person in this life again who could love her the way her father did. She is unable to find even one person who could even come close to how great her "daddy cool" was.
I know a super introvert friend, not so expressive one who posted a full hand written letter on social media to tell the world how special her "Appa" is to her!
I know a group of siblings grieving the loss of their mother everyday so silently yet so loud.
"However great we must think our parents are, the truth is nobody is perfect." 
They were also once this naive, clueless person that we 30 year olds are, but one fine day they decided to have us in their lives. Planned or unplanned they decided to have us, another weeping, pooping yet smiling piece of flesh and as soon as we came into their lives, "VILAY" happened.
Amalgamation or Dissolution whatever you call it, my super cute mum who used to have long pretty nails stopped having them as soon as she had me because some random nurse legit scolded her (lack of boundaries, I tell you.)
My baby brother started making millet pancakes.
My introvert friend started writing paragraphs about how much she loves her son.
My Ph.D from Prague friend started to help her little daughter in her school DIY(Do it yourself).
My shopaholic sister continued to be one but this time for baby clothes and accessories.
I've a colleague having hour long discussion about his baby's fever last night.
All these people might have been carefree, wild party animals and must have done some idiotic shit in life, but now they are somebody's "Mumma-Papa"
They have been through this beautiful transition and dissolved into becoming this selfless new person who means the whole world to somebody else.
No matter if you are somebody's special person or you've your special person right beside you right now or you have the best of both worlds, The next time you proud-
parents see your li'l human being, Thank them for choosing you! (or do whatever suits you, you definitely know better than me....)
& the next time you meet your parents, give them a tight hug and remind them how beautifully you acknowledge their love and devotion towards you. How you always remember in your heart that they made or at least tried to make you everything they were and everything good even they couldn't be. 
How they beautifully became a part of the "Vilay-  विलय ❤️"
P.S.  This is the picture of the leftover millet pancake premix which reminded me of how my baby brother became somebody's papa.

If you don't like reading, I'm narrating:  

                                               

Sab badal gya hai!

 Sab badal gaya hai!

Means everything has changed & When I say that I mean it this time- from the core of my heart. I started writing this blog when I couldn’t stand myself to be 30. This number had been playing in my head for so many years and I was just going gaga over how It was such a phantom for me & yet it arrived and just passed away. I freaked out, cut some extra cakes, wrote a blog about it and that was enough, I thought!

Turns out, it wasn't !

We are called an adult after 18. But that's such a sham & I don’t think there is any such number which can justify the level of changes or rather complete upheavals that come with growing up!

Change is inevitable! Bleh! Bluh! Blah!

Yeah I know, everybody knows.

But who in this huge wide world prepares us for this !

Who prepares us to experience that one fine day, we’ll just wake up and our favourite ice cream flavour will no longer feel like a hug and we'll start reading its label if there was vegetable oil in it.

Who prepares us to experience that the distant chachi/mami/masi we used to adore as a child is not the perfect human being we thought she was!

To experience that the one friend we used to share our life with will now live miles apart and we’ll meet a different version of them every few years!

To experience that our super parents will turn old and they will need our help! Us idiots who didn’t even know how to tie our shoe lace will make decisions for them!

To wake up to that peculiar back/ knee pain every time we get out of bed.

To be scared of our favourite rajma chawal because our gut no longer tolerates it.

To be the person who prefers coconut water over cold drinks. 

To live in a world where you’re no longer a fan of your favourite superstar. Like there was a time when your eyes used to sparkle watching them on screen and now you think they lack acting skills.

To live in a world where you think you are insane for loving too much for this super practical world!

To be in a situation when you hate the ones who used to worship!

To not be able to even cry out loud because that will make you seem weak!

To live in a world where Zakir Khan thinks women can’t earn their own money, I mean the one man girls thought really understood them!!!!

To live in a world with duties to fulfill and people who rely on us!

Is it scary? Yes hell a lot scary!

We so-called grownup kids, who want to sleep a little extra every morning, are actually the adults who sometimes wake up at 6 am on a sunday to have their morning shots so that the regret of not doing it all doesn’t creep in.

We recalculate our finances in our head and skip on buying those new heels not because we don’t have enough but because we think there are bigger, more important expenses. 

The other day , I was talking to a friend of mine  about his father’s health and with a very sad deep tone he said that his father is recovering as of now but the doctor doesn't think that he will live much longer.

Who in the damn world prepares us for this????

We don’t want this INEVITABLE!

If this is what being smart is , we want to be naive! Really naive again!

Never signed up for this!!!!

P.S. The picture is of a 9g protein-packed, sugar-free salted caramel ice cream held by a 30-year-old girl who, when asked at the MEVAD ICE-CREAM CART in 2003 if she wanted a cone or custard, would reply—'Both.'


If you're not a reader, I'm narrating: 

FEMININITY

 FEMININITY

Femininity- refers to a set of qualities, behaviors, and roles traditionally associated with being female or womanly. 

Have you ever seen a little 2 year old suddenly giving a hair flip without even learning it from anyone? There are many intellectuals who speak against women being treated in a certain way and claim that this makes them weak. Weaker than the so-called superior gender. 

I may at times agree with them all, but today I’m not gonna discuss this as a social issue & how this might or may have already become a hurdle in women’s overall success in life. 

As a 30 year old beautiful woman, I’m gonna talk today about how we, the women, discover our feminine side at times and how you as a man love it when we are at our top notch feminine energy. 

How did it strike my mind? One fine day, when I had to acquire a different work location for a few days, I found myself  in Dilwalon ki Dilli (Cheesy I know), New Delhi, The capital of my beautiful country. Amidst all the hustle-bustle  of the city, a different office, some strange faces and complete impromptu plan, I had to (yes, had to) shop new clothes and as soon as I was done buying those cute office formals, I decided to go for some more and a li’l more “FEMININE CLOTHES”. 
“Ladkiyon wale kapde”

Pretty, flowy, floral dresses,

 in lots and lots of colours 

our never getting old, makes me one size smaller black 

super graceful, make me feel pure and pious white

mandir ready beautiful ethnic kurtis with mandatory jhumke (bought from janpath obvio)

And just don’t get me started on the accessories,

We could be jailed if hoarding them was a crime. 

A li’l pink pookie bow hair clip or those floral clutchers, 

& if you still breathe in this world then “labubu” 

Girls, I tell you. 

Guilty as charged, I did some shopping and now I just needed a place where I could wear all these to ! (if you know you know)

Having my friends living faaaaar faaaaar away (there aren’t any flights b/w DEL-GGN), I had to be my own date for the night.

Chose my favourite place, put on my favourite lipstick, added a li’l more blush(That pink thing around the cheeks, boys!), did my hair good and booked a not so clean cab with a really polite cab driver, 

But, don’t forget I was in Delhi, so were the long long queues of cars in traffic and amidst those cars, around a not at all clean place, a beautiful Flower shop.

Those li’l babies were looking at me, like I would look at my man in our 80s.

I hopped off, bought some lilies and rajnigandha (pure & pious) & BAM! I was in a cute, artsy, even more floral, beautiful cafe with angrezi gaane playing like they don’t know hindi here! 

The elite conversation with the staff and at a table for 1, there I was feeling like a woman, a feminine one. The avocado toasties or the lasagna to die for everything was all about what made me feel good.

 In a different city, amongst strangers, not thinking about the Long day when I walked among men dressed like them and competed with them everyday being compared if I was as efficient as a man would’ve been at the job, being grateful for the women who came before me and making way for those who will come after me.

Have you heard the phrase, The girly Girl !

But why did we need to add that 2nd “girl” word. Why only one wasn’t enough?

Why can girls just be like girls always and still be treated equally?

See this a very popular internet debate and I’m never up to be a part of it!

What I’m trying to convey here is, we women love to behave like one. Wear pretty clothes, put on beautiful makeup, hold flowers in our hands, visit cute cafes with nice music and wine and we love to be admired for the same as well, but is it possible for us to be in our full feminine energy?

Not always!

Not with unreal men!

I said what I said !

Men- my rather favourite topic are of many kinds (Be happy, I’m not saying the same.)

But if you are lucky enough, you come across a Gentleman at least once in life !

But why did we need to add that “gentle” word. Why only man wasn’t enough?

“Gentleman”could be in the form of your father, your brother/s or your eternal love, your life partner.

Do you remember, 

When papa lets everybody out of the car and goes a few more meters away to park the car, because he doesn’t want his beautiful wife wearing her new heels to end up in pain(inevitable though). 

That's the Gentle in the man. 

& when mumma still waits for him at the hotel entrance smiling ear to ear while wearing his favourite colour 

That's the girly in that girl.

I know what you’re thinking , ye sab hamare yha nahi hota!!!!

(This doesn’t happen in our home).

Trust me , hota hai! (It happens)

Maybe hidden from you, maybe once in a while, maybe in a minute form, or a full blown PDA (Public display of affection, guys!), it happens.

When he helps her to pick that big karahi from the top shelf, 

When she definitely can lift the grocery bag but waits for him to lift them all, 

When she is on her periods and he hands her the hot water bag or her favourite dark chocolate,

When she flaunts the kurta he chose for her in front of all her friends

When he walks on the busy side of the road, so that she could be on the safer side

When once the fast pacer girl, now walks slowly so he can be ahead of her, as a protector (she doesn’t need it if only it was a safer world though!)

When a complete extrovert outspoken girl starts using her baby voice whenever she needs another ice cream during their evening walk.

When she lets him take the lead and open doors for her at times.

When she lets him pay for her food for the first time and he does a li’l happy dance thinking she likes him back.

She completely truly feels to be a woman, a girly girl when the world just lets her be one!

When she feels safe that this “Gentleman” won’t break her heart in between the journey,, won’t judge her for not paying for dates. When he won’t teach her how she’s not allowed to be kiddish in public and talk loudly and the list goes on and on !!!! 

I don’t think I’d ever be sharing those sad instances here. 

I just hope that all of us are born to A Gentlemen, we marry A Gentlemen and  most importantly raise one such Gentleman who makes all the beautiful women around him channelise  their feminine energy, act like a lady and just be The “Girly” Girl.

& untill we are not, let’s buy flowers for ourselves, put on our favourite makeup, wear that li’l pink dress and order your favourite wine and sip it like nobody’s watching or like everybody’s watching!

YOU GO GIRL!

P.S. Even if you want to buy that “LABUBU”  then again, your money, your opinion!