Rooh

Rooh

Soul in english, Aatma in hindi, Rooh in punjabi & urdu. I’m sure we must’ve heard this word at least once in our life. 

When I was in 8th grade, one of my favourite teachers, helped me prepare for inter-school debate competition and she was supposed to take me next day to a far off school in her fancy car. A very soft spoken, extremely gorgeous, super polite woman, I was head over heels her number 1 fan. A day before, she called my mother to the school for the consent and all and while they were discussing about when, how and where the competition was planned, in a room full of other teachers(mostly friends), 

My mother asked(fumbling)," fer ehnu kal without dress hi bhejna?" (Shall i send her without dress tomorrow?)

Ma'am replied," Dress pava dio koi, without uniform bhej dio beshak!" (Please, dress her, you can send her without uniform though!! )with a smirk on her face .

Other teachers smiled a bit, maybe laughing inside.

Mumma got even more nervous and was like sorry,sorry hanji hanji!!

 The conversation ended, just like that!

Me being a 13 year old obviously understood but had, how nice my teacher is glasses on so ignored it completely. As I still remember this incident as a 30 year old woman, I think As much as I'm grateful to my super pretty and super successful teacher for teaching my not so educated, socially awkward homemaker mother about the difference between DRESS & UNIFORM. , i still wonder, "How necessary it was to make fun of her in a room full of independent educated women that she wasn't?"

When I  was a li’l more naive than I’m today, I was a firm believer that there are no bad people in the world, that nobody, absolutely nobody hurts somebody else intentionally.

I used to speak to myself  and say,”nobody would get up one fine day and think of how should I hurt this person or that guy.”  everybody wants to be the best version of themselves and show their absolute best behaviour  and how can we forget them, “karma believers”

DO GOOD, HAVE GOOD.

So the 23 year old  a lot more stupid girl, always tried to be in other people’s shoes and think of  why they had to do what they did and irrespective of the hurt caused to myself, I used to think better and be the bigger person assuming the other person can never, not even in their wildest dreams can hurt me intentionally.

But bubbles my friend , are meant to be burst.  I grew older(bloody 30)  &  obviously not one fine day but gradually, with a hell lot of experiences (ranked as bad,worse and some really worst), I felt, Dude please chill!!

I screamed at myself, “”oh dear Tulsi virani, open your damn eyes , bad people exist!

People that get up one day and think about ways in which they can hurt other people.

• Can you recall that one relative from your father’s side, who used to deliberately insult your mother’s looks in a room full of guests.
• That distant extremely rich uncle who  made fun of your father’s poverty  by mocking his old scooter and  marked it as merely a joke!
• The cousin from convent school who made fun of your bad pronunciation because you are from a public one.
• The manager who always made sure to insult you in every possible meeting.
• The colleague who always undermines your contribution  and  boasts about his excellence all the time.
• That uncle from the neighbourhood , who knows that you couldn’t crack IIT but still asked your father in the  colony meeting about your Rank.
• The guy/girl who said, “ I love you” without 0.5% intention of proving it.
• Your so called first love who went off with some other guy because he earned more than you or was Living abroad.
  
  
  
• The long term soulmate who put the sindoor in somebody else’s hair just because she was richer/prettier or “abba nahi manenge” factor. (#let's keep it secular).
• That mami/chachi who asked your mother about,”when is your daughter/son getting married shortly after mentioning their age?”
• The mother of 2, cousin asking about your failed IVF  Treatment.
• The mother of  a son, asking if you are planning for another pregnancy after the birth of your second daughter.
• The sasu maa who makes fun of  your height/ weight or caste in front of all relatives because you don’t belong to the community she wanted her daughter to marry.

 And the list is endless……..

Feeling frustrated, angry , humiliated , yet?????

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna give some gyan on how we should ignore the negativity and focus on all the positive people , bleh and bluh and blah!!!!!!

Today, I won’t be Tulsi Virani for a moment.

Life gives you moment when you so want to be the kamolika. 

Like how dare he!

How dare she!

I’ll kill them all!

Why do I have to be the bigger person, how can someone be so evil!

But, Baby, Some people are Evil. PERIOD

Are they like this with you or you have done something to instigate them or what made them do this?
#Koi to majboori rahi hogi!!

As in they must be under some obligation.

On and on and on 

You know what, I don’t care !

You hurt me, you hurt me real bad . & howsoever obligated you must’ve been. I’m miserable because of you.

Not that you care or not that I care if you care or not!

Your words, your actions and your decisions made me go through hell and may be I’m still there or I may never come out of this hell and you’re the reason. 

Letting out helps, probably!

But, that whats more thought provoking is when we(yes, we)do these horrible horrible things, does our conscious allow us, Why we don’t feel pukish? Why we don’t consider for one micro second that how hurtful this will be for the concerned person!

Why the pure soul with which we started this journey called life just not comes out of our body and says, “THIS IS NOT ME! ”

Or may be it does and we do that anyway!

P.S. The drawing is me from this morning when I thought some real bad things about someone and then took a pause for a moment, felt like my pure soul is out of my body right now and said to myself, This is not me! & I DID IT ANYWAY!

Yes, I'm angry today, angry at my favourite teacher, angry at all those uncle/aunties/cousins/bfs/gfs/husbands/wives and sometimes our own children who make us cry to sleep, angry at the bully I was in school/college/university and angry at myself for cursing someone so bad this morning.

Also, I draw, not so well though! @ehsaasunleashed on Instagram